20 8 / 2012

Previously on Fifty Shades, Anastasia and Christian reveal their big secrets.

Anastasia revealed she is still a virgin at the end of the last chapter and Christian took this rather badly, as if it had anything to do with him.

“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me,” he castigates me.“The subject never came up. I’m not in the habit of revealing my sexual status to everyone I meet. I mean, we hardly know each other.”

Castigates: 1. To inflict severe punishment on.

2. To criticize severely.

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08 8 / 2012

Disclaimer: I’m sure there are asexuals who are knowledgeable about the BDSM lifestyle. I am not one of them.

Previously on Fifty Shades, Anastasia goes round to Christian’s for tea.

Anastasia looks into the playroom and describes it in great detail. Seriously, there’s five paragraphs of this nonsense.

The first thing I notice is the smell; leather, wood, polish with a faint citrus scent.

I’m just really relieved to know that he does keep the room clean and that it is lemony fresh.

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31 7 / 2012

Previously on Fifty Shades, Christian shares his bed and toothbrush with Anastasia. Oh, and there was kissing. Kissing!

Anastasia gets into Christian’s car so that he can take her home. She is quite dazed by the kiss and doesn’t wholly believed it happened. 

I touch my lips, swollen from his kiss. It definitely happened. I am a changed woman. 

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27 7 / 2012

Previously on Fifty Shades, Anastasia gets wankered and Christian is a stalker.

Hungover, Anastasia awakes to find herself in a bed that is not her own. She realises that she is actually in the hotel that Christian is staying in and is in Christian’s bed. What happened to taking Anastasia to her own house, Christian? Luckily, she’s mostly clothed and no sexy shenanigans happened the night before. Enter Christian.

He’s in gray sweat pants that hang, in that way, off his hips and a gray singlet, which is dark with sweat, like his hair. Christian Grey’s sweat, the notion does odd things to me.

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19 7 / 2012

Previously on Fifty Shades, Anastasia has a dilemma over what to order at the coffee shop and Christian saves her life from a passing cyclist.

Anastasia, presumably giddy from the rush of being alive, tries to mind control Christian into kissing her. It doesn’t work.

He’s breathing harder than usual, and I’ve stopped breathing altogether.

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14 7 / 2012

Previously on Fifty Shades, Christian has stalked Anastasia to her place of work and given her his number on the pretense of arranging a photoshoot. Anastasia really fancies him like she’s never fancied anyone before. Mostly because she hasn’t. Apparently.

Anastasia tells Katharine about bumping into Christian at work. Katharine is super excited, but even she is doubtful about the likelihood of Christian just coincidentally popping into Anastasia store. Unforunately, she doesn’t warn Anastasia that Christian is clearly a crazy stalker and that she will ultimately find herself bound to a table with cling film as Christian Grey hovers over her holding up sharp instruments. Instead, Katharine decides that this clearly means that Christian totally fancies Anastasia too, especially after she learns that Christian gave Anastasia his number.

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08 7 / 2012

Previously, on Fifty Shades, we left with Anastasia leaving the office of one Christian Grey, we come back to Anastasia still leaving Christian’s office. She makes a break for the outside. It is raining. Anastasia is still completely overwhelmed by the all compassing beauty, charms and wealth of Christian Grey. 

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05 7 / 2012

Our story begins with our fearless hero, Anastasia Steele, brushing her hair and damning the world. Conveniently, she’s also glaring at herself in a mirror so we’re treated to a non-specific description of herself.

I roll my eyes in exasperation and gaze at the pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face staring back at me. 

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05 7 / 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey is a Really Bad book.
It was funny, at first, excerpts were posted all over Tumblr and we all laughed at the terribly written sex but then it got weirdly popular in real life. A lot of my colleagues at work have or are reading Fifty Shades, and an increasing amount of people think it’s rather good.
This worries me.

I didn’t want to write a blog just explaining why this series is terrible, there are plenty others out there, plenty of others who will do it better than I will too. Then someone asked me if this book bothered me because of the amount of sexual content in these books and if that bothered me because I was asexual. And then writing a blog about an asexual reading Fifty Shades suddenly seemed like a really good idea.

But I will say one thing for Fifty Shades, a lot of people I have spoken to who have read the book often say they don’t usually like reading. The writing’s terrible but a book that gets people into reading will always a good thing.

Please enjoy and please bear with me as I find my feet.